Today I am weary and my soul feels heavy. I feel the weight of choices made long ago and question if they were right. It catches me off-guard, this odd dread, not my usual comrade. As though my skin is a little bit thinner today, everything just under the surface. For some reason, I see the list before me of friends I have not kept … Continue reading Out of sorts.
It’s been a long time, in blog years, since my last post. Summer meant a break, the kind in which you do lots of your favourite things over and over again, but unremarkably. You get the odd pretty picture out of it, but mostly it drips by unremarked upon except by you, who can’t believe you get to live it. And then you’re back! Fourth … Continue reading Fourth
In ‘love actually’ there’s a parody holiday song made called ‘Christmas is all around’, and actually that’s the theme song of our Decembers, isn’t it? Christmas is everywhere we turn, in grief or joy and anywhere in between, an assault of tinsel and DIY bonbon kits. I have always filled with glee, not gloom at the first full Christmas shelves in late October, and right … Continue reading I feel it in my fingers…
I am not an aficionado on drugs or the drug trade. This probably doesn’t come as a surprise, but because of what follows it is important to mention. I don’t have first hand experience but blessed, comfortable naiveté, and I read this book to change that but I did so from a foundation of neutral. What I read ripped things inside of me that were … Continue reading Chasing the scream – when what we think we know is wrong.
It has taken me a long time to realise that for me, exams are about a loss of control. I wake up stressed and exist in a state of low-level panic, never sure I’ve done enough to pass muster. There is no direct correlation between the work I put in and the outcome – after all, it could still be that the exam itself will … Continue reading Of control, exams and grace…
“A youth spent trawling Christian bookshops for decent kids music has left me with certain scars. Picture it please, in an age before the Internet, when the holy grail of music shopping was someone forgetting to shrink-wrap the CD so you could actually read the lyrics before purchase. Hear the domino-like tapping of plastic as I rifled through music bins! Mourn for the mountainous pile … Continue reading Kids music matters
Ever since I was little I’ve been aware of protesting too much. If you ask for something and then get it, it isn’t as sweet as surprise, and if you say you are happy with too much vigour, then you probably aren’t. If only Shakespeare could know how his words are flung about and take root. So that every sentence I utter is analysed for … Continue reading (more than) a single thought
It took 10 minutes for the man speaking to smash through my objections to the future, objections I have carefully been constructing for months, building into a superstructure that protects me from discomfort. My 2 biggest fears: support raising and conflict. The awkward of asking for money, the difficulty of returning where there is ongoing pain and overlapping patches. He did not speak specifically to … Continue reading One day at Moore College…
When Harry digs a grave for Dobby, the moment crackles with tragic drama. His tears falling into the dirt before the backdrop of a windswept cliff are beautiful in their poignancy. But, it need hardly be said, far from any kind of reality. On Tuesday we dug a similar hole and it wasn’t beautiful. We talked, I cried, and there was no swelling soundtrack, only … Continue reading Nature’s first green is gold…
I remember the lecture after one of my first kids talks, where I was standing, how he began. Disregarding everything else, he honed in on the vital detail: ‘kids’ are baby goats and children are children and never the two terms should intermingle. It may be a bad example – his opinion was pernickety to say the least – but you get my drift. Having … Continue reading Defaced by the debates.
