The first thing I noticed was that it began almost exactly 10 years ago, minus 6 days. The second is that I don’t remember being the person who wrote it.
I didn’t expect to feel like this. Today it seems I am at the mercy of wave after wave of feelings I can’t reconcile with the dialogue I preach to myself. There is a battle going on inside that renders me prickly and weary and confused. It isn’t any one thing, but it is certainly the one thing you can guess. I had no idea … Continue reading Inside out
It’s been a long time, in blog years, since my last post. Summer meant a break, the kind in which you do lots of your favourite things over and over again, but unremarkably. You get the odd pretty picture out of it, but mostly it drips by unremarked upon except by you, who can’t believe you get to live it. And then you’re back! Fourth … Continue reading Fourth
Ever since I was little I’ve been aware of protesting too much. If you ask for something and then get it, it isn’t as sweet as surprise, and if you say you are happy with too much vigour, then you probably aren’t. If only Shakespeare could know how his words are flung about and take root. So that every sentence I utter is analysed for … Continue reading (more than) a single thought
I remember the lecture after one of my first kids talks, where I was standing, how he began. Disregarding everything else, he honed in on the vital detail: ‘kids’ are baby goats and children are children and never the two terms should intermingle. It may be a bad example – his opinion was pernickety to say the least – but you get my drift. Having … Continue reading Defaced by the debates.
Maybe it is growing up on a diet of James Herriot books, or something in my blood, a wish to have the farm life of my Father. Whatever it is, I find myself, hopelessly, an animal lover. I worry about the seagulls who don’t get the chips. The fish, once caught, still flapping. A few weeks ago an enormous St. Bernard leaned into me at … Continue reading All creatures great and small.
*we could call this a book review… In July last year I googled a word I didn’t understand, which isn’t something you expect to change your life. The word was ‘mimetic’, which relates to imitation (miming), and somehow, post-google, I ended up in the bowels of Wikipedia, reading about a French philosopher and his ‘mimetic theory’. After 20 minutes of ignoring my assignment I ordered … Continue reading If enthusiasm could substitute for intellect…*
Christmas is an old hardback book with a blue cover that opens up to become a star. It is a cheap plastic tablecloth under the real tree, and lights that sing and blink. It’s staying up late on Christmas eve so I don’t wake at 5am, too buzzed to sleep. It’s frosty the snowman every year of my childhood, making me cry. It has become … Continue reading Just hear those sleigh bells jingling….
It’s been a long time – 7 years – since full time work for me, in the ‘not paid ministry’ sense of FT work. There was DJ’s while at Uni, and the absolutely full MTS, but otherwise it has been a while. And the distinction exists, whether or not it should. Now I am plunged back in for a couple of weeks only, and I feel it. … Continue reading Hi ho, hi ho…
I never thought of myself as one of those girls obsessed with having a plus one. When I was 20 the mere thought of settling down made me so nervous I left the country for 3 months. I could scoff easily at people who asked me at the ripe young age of 23 when I was going to get married, and as the numbers next … Continue reading The post about being single I wish I didn’t write*…