It’s my 5th full day here in Darwin, and I’m throwing back to my first blog post to share some pictures of life here so far. After a hair-raising dash to the airport on Tuesday morning and a bittersweet goodbye to my folks, I flew out of Sydney at 9.40 and arrived in Darwin half an hour earlier than expected at 1.45. I also gained an hour … Continue reading My first monsoon
I didn’t expect to feel like this. Today it seems I am at the mercy of wave after wave of feelings I can’t reconcile with the dialogue I preach to myself. There is a battle going on inside that renders me prickly and weary and confused. It isn’t any one thing, but it is certainly the one thing you can guess. I had no idea … Continue reading Inside out
Finding it tricky to nail down morning devotions is hardly the stuff of guilt-ridden confession any more. The club it admits me to is large and accepting, citing forgiveness for failure and wisdom in recognising that different approaches work in different seasons. The rhetoric is compelling – try again. Keep going. Discipline doesn’t just happen, it hurts. Continue reading Dodging devotions
Today I am weary and my soul feels heavy. I feel the weight of choices made long ago and question if they were right. It catches me off-guard, this odd dread, not my usual comrade. As though my skin is a little bit thinner today, everything just under the surface. For some reason, I see the list before me of friends I have not kept … Continue reading Out of sorts.
Ever since I was little I’ve been aware of protesting too much. If you ask for something and then get it, it isn’t as sweet as surprise, and if you say you are happy with too much vigour, then you probably aren’t. If only Shakespeare could know how his words are flung about and take root. So that every sentence I utter is analysed for … Continue reading (more than) a single thought
It took 10 minutes for the man speaking to smash through my objections to the future, objections I have carefully been constructing for months, building into a superstructure that protects me from discomfort. My 2 biggest fears: support raising and conflict. The awkward of asking for money, the difficulty of returning where there is ongoing pain and overlapping patches. He did not speak specifically to … Continue reading One day at Moore College…
When Harry digs a grave for Dobby, the moment crackles with tragic drama. His tears falling into the dirt before the backdrop of a windswept cliff are beautiful in their poignancy. But, it need hardly be said, far from any kind of reality. On Tuesday we dug a similar hole and it wasn’t beautiful. We talked, I cried, and there was no swelling soundtrack, only … Continue reading Nature’s first green is gold…
I remember the lecture after one of my first kids talks, where I was standing, how he began. Disregarding everything else, he honed in on the vital detail: ‘kids’ are baby goats and children are children and never the two terms should intermingle. It may be a bad example – his opinion was pernickety to say the least – but you get my drift. Having … Continue reading Defaced by the debates.
The time passes in drips, drips of time so that the days are long but the week is short, over before you are ready. You are ready each night for sleep, ready after a full day to close your eyes, but not for the last morning when all that time spent sleeping seems such a waste. For there is a cap on the sprawling mornings … Continue reading Untitled ends.
This blog began as my college experience did, with excitement and rose-coloured glasses. At least, they told me the glasses were rose-coloured – people reassured me it wouldn’t always look so sweet. And I waited to feel it. I posted whimsical pictures of my room and my food and I wrote excited squealy posts about Sydney and I waited for the lustre to fade. And … Continue reading Rose-coloured