It’s my 5th full day here in Darwin, and I’m throwing back to my first blog post to share some pictures of life here so far. After a hair-raising dash to the airport on Tuesday morning and a bittersweet goodbye to my folks, I flew out of Sydney at 9.40 and arrived in Darwin half an hour earlier than expected at 1.45. I also gained an hour … Continue reading My first monsoon
I didn’t expect to feel like this. Today it seems I am at the mercy of wave after wave of feelings I can’t reconcile with the dialogue I preach to myself. There is a battle going on inside that renders me prickly and weary and confused. It isn’t any one thing, but it is certainly the one thing you can guess. I had no idea … Continue reading Inside out
When I applied to go to Darwin on Moore College mission, I did so on a whim. My interest was real, but vague. Missionaries I have loved have ministered in the Territory and I was eager to get a taste and see if it was something to put on my bucket list. Long-term. Unformed. Something I am learning about my life is that God knows … Continue reading Dar-what now?
Finding it tricky to nail down morning devotions is hardly the stuff of guilt-ridden confession any more. The club it admits me to is large and accepting, citing forgiveness for failure and wisdom in recognising that different approaches work in different seasons. The rhetoric is compelling – try again. Keep going. Discipline doesn’t just happen, it hurts. Continue reading Dodging devotions
In a lull in a second year philosophy class, I poured out my worry to our lecturer. We had been assigned a text which championed being a ‘Christian intellectual’ over an ‘ideologue’, and I recognised myself on the wrong side of that popularity contest. From what I recall, the ‘Christian intellectual’ was characterised as someone who carefully considered ideas. Someone who was slow to speak … Continue reading A bit about a bunch of things: ideology, martyrdom, judgment and Jesus.
Today I am weary and my soul feels heavy. I feel the weight of choices made long ago and question if they were right. It catches me off-guard, this odd dread, not my usual comrade. As though my skin is a little bit thinner today, everything just under the surface. For some reason, I see the list before me of friends I have not kept … Continue reading Out of sorts.
It’s been a long time, in blog years, since my last post. Summer meant a break, the kind in which you do lots of your favourite things over and over again, but unremarkably. You get the odd pretty picture out of it, but mostly it drips by unremarked upon except by you, who can’t believe you get to live it. And then you’re back! Fourth … Continue reading Fourth
In ‘love actually’ there’s a parody holiday song made called ‘Christmas is all around’, and actually that’s the theme song of our Decembers, isn’t it? Christmas is everywhere we turn, in grief or joy and anywhere in between, an assault of tinsel and DIY bonbon kits. I have always filled with glee, not gloom at the first full Christmas shelves in late October, and right … Continue reading I feel it in my fingers…
I am not an aficionado on drugs or the drug trade. This probably doesn’t come as a surprise, but because of what follows it is important to mention. I don’t have first hand experience but blessed, comfortable naiveté, and I read this book to change that but I did so from a foundation of neutral. What I read ripped things inside of me that were … Continue reading Chasing the scream – when what we think we know is wrong.
It has taken me a long time to realise that for me, exams are about a loss of control. I wake up stressed and exist in a state of low-level panic, never sure I’ve done enough to pass muster. There is no direct correlation between the work I put in and the outcome – after all, it could still be that the exam itself will … Continue reading Of control, exams and grace…